midibear

2011-05-04T22:00:00.000-04:00

kayne monster

2011-01-13T16:22:00.000-05:00

we didn't need those things

2011-01-13T16:15:00.000-05:00

2010-04-13T22:15:00.003-04:00

in the middle of a sentence my mouth is moving but my mind stops itself and says "what the fuck am i jabbering about" it doesn't make any sense and its too late. the damage is done and i can't rewind. a fool again and again and again and its always too late.

not saying anything is really the best way to communicate but then i'm branded as boring and i honestly don't know which is worse. boring or crazy

just bring out the 45 of freddy king and call it a day

since it was the best thing to happen to me today

as opposed to the other thing...waiting on the train track in drizzly weather cold and essentially abandoned somewhere out in long island

freddy king and you. does it really get any better

smile booby

2010-04-08T23:37:00.002-04:00

i went to this dance meditation class a few weeks ago and i experienced a feeling like never before. i found my playfulness surface so easily, with such a little amount of effort.

my inhibitions did not exist, sober and present. i fell into my 8 year old little girl arms waving up and down, feet running full out, smiling, laughing out loud, dancing almost. getting off on my own energy and the people around me. exposing it all right there, not being cool or the least bit collected. reckless even, i tell everyone to please love me because its all i got

2010-02-25T02:32:00.003-05:00

4:27am i put on some nina simone live at the village gate or early rolling stones (the song angie kills me every time) and feel this insatiable urge to paint. anything... canvas, my walls, most recently my medicine cabinet. if i weren't so alone it could be on you... so here i go, inspired by dali's little ashes flick:

the only thing that blinds me is the sun

the only thing i lose is hanging on to a thread

i fear the only option is to be moved

i believe the only way is towards you

the swinging motion that runs through my veins screams blue

i want to feel whole again and its only one way

i want to scream for confusion and mistakes

but i move closer to the flame and

it burns me

the ashes fall from my waist

they dance around me like desperate butterflies

wanting to get out of a jar thats just been caught

i want to feel the freedom drip slowly down my back

and have you blow on it

i miss it i miss you

and my heart falls to the side

for the ashes have consumed me

reich

2009-12-18T12:50:00.002-05:00

Your life will be good and secure when aliveness will mean more to you than security; love more than money; your freedom more than public opinion.

-wilhelm reich

2009-12-07T19:36:00.001-05:00

If we were standing in your physical shoes, that would be our dominant quest: Entertaining Yourself, pleasing Yourself, connecting with Yourself, being Yourself, enjoying Yourself, loving Yourself. Some say, "Well, Abraham you teach selfishness. And we say, yes we do, yes we do, yes we do, because unless you are selfish enough to reach for that connection, you don't have anything to give anyone, anyway. And when you are selfish enough to make that connection -- you have an enormous gift that you give everywhere you are.

--- Abraham

x & o

2009-11-24T01:29:00.004-05:00

Creating anything and sharing it takes a lot of courage. Putting a part of yourself out there to be criticized and critiqued is true bravery. As soon as I find myself racing towards judgement,

I think...

I wish I had the balls to live like them.

eyes of love

2009-11-24T01:26:00.000-05:00

philadelphia

2009-10-31T02:38:00.005-04:00

i remember the nights we'd listen to wilco the ghost is born cd, get high and make love. after a late night out from shared glasses of sake from the dumpling place on university thats no longer there. its been years since i've seen you. but somehow there still seems to be this memory that makes me smile, as i wonder how phillys treating you.

2009-09-30T18:58:00.003-04:00

there are times when i really feel universally connected with everything. absolute happiness and appreciation for the moment, in the moment. i say thank you in my mind over and over again. thanking whatever force at work that grants me the honor of bringing this feeling to me or more kindly, thanking myself for allowing it. giving it all up in order to get it all. its funny how things work sometimes. you wrestle with letting go of anything and it ricochets back at you with more intensity than ever. with everything, let go of money, let go of media, let go of people, let go of security, and then i promise you will find yourself sitting in the best position possible. one of internal strength. no external reinforcement necessary to solidify how great you are.

you feel your own greatness.

2009-09-30T18:54:00.001-04:00

"bull farting" how awesome is this sculpture

2009-09-29T11:54:00.004-04:00

i was on a rooftop in brooklyn, 1 in the morning. i saw the five bridges and watched the lights flash in manhattan and you were saying something.... holy shit! i was in my favorite song!

the next night p and i went to an all girls roller derby, thanks to andy

2009-09-12T18:33:00.007-04:00

ok. i'm so not into what the next best things are. i don't care like i don't care whether i have TV or not and since the digital explosion its totally absent from my life and that is good. well, the dead weather, it makes me feel a little bit like the way i felt first listening to sonic youth in my childhood bedroom. wet, gushy and inspired. they are great. and i'm not arguing with you about it. pure creativity is not meant to be pretty. it should be dirty and raw

hhhhhip hop

2009-09-11T00:04:00.007-04:00

sometimes i get dressed in my sluttiest little number and
dance for hours alone in my dark bedroom to this...
oooooooh yeah and you know its the truth

love the shit out of you

2009-09-09T19:49:00.004-04:00

so i met this guy soliel i'm not sure how to say his name, its isreali. i screw it up at every opportunity and to his face. soleil, shouele, something with an S and an L and a little screwy 'ule at the end.

well anyway, he says to me, how old are you? because you act really young. i thought to myself, i am the most bizarre person. i thought, i act young because everything is a new experience to me. not intentionally but accidentally. like i forget to remember how things are so the experience is always my first introduction to it. thats why i'll be 14 when i'm 68. its my numeralical-clizmic number. it's my "i'll never grow the fuck up, i'll never get a real job, i'll never do what i'm told, i'll always have dessert before dinner, i'll always find new ways to loiter in the middle of the street, i'll always believe that too much of a good thing is wonderful" number.

to my loving refrigerator

2009-08-20T17:36:00.005-04:00

i have this new song for midibear, i wish you could hear it.
it goes something like this:
"you small guy but you've got big heart
you small guy but you've got big heart
midibear midibear i mean be fo' real
you small guy but you've got big heart"
(with asian inflection)
i sing it to him all the time, actually i think this song will be his new complete name.
that's it, inspirational moment, i'm having a party to inaugurate midibear's new name and it's a song!
i'll let the vet know so when they confirm an appt., they'll have to say his full name or else i'll refuse to acknowlegdge him being clientele.

With love, always and in all ways.

2009-08-14T21:07:00.000-04:00

the sun and the soil

2009-08-01T12:38:00.003-04:00

i fall in love so many times in one day. the person that smiles at me when i pass them, a dog lapping water on a hot day, when i'm on the phone and i can sense an inner smile on the other end, holding your mail while fumbling for the keys, missing the last step while going downstairs to the chinese restaurant, taking a picture of your little feet, all of this kills me and i fall in love over and over and over again.

last night was no exception

do you love midibear

2009-07-29T22:34:00.002-04:00

its the way i feel its what i want

2009-07-29T21:43:00.006-04:00

its the way i feel its what i want

2009-07-29T18:09:00.000-04:00

roll down the window

2009-07-22T19:11:00.009-04:00

when i see this picture it makes me want to cry. one winter day as i was leaving upstate he was staring up at me through the car window. best buddy going far far away..no more snowy hikes, no more side lap bacon scrapes, no more bed snuggling. that's all. like somethings; just run their course and you know inherently when its time to pick up and walk away

so ridiculously funny, laugh

2009-06-30T00:39:00.003-04:00

smile

2009-06-28T20:08:00.005-04:00

(631) 878-5867

2009-06-16T13:53:00.003-04:00

i went skydiving with robby on sunday. it was the most exhilarating experience of my life and for about 15 seconds after having thought i lost my mind a wave of absolute clarity came over me 30,ooo feet in the air. we are supposed to experience tremendous joy. thats all.

haaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2009-06-03T02:00:00.000-04:00

random

2009-06-02T15:58:00.003-04:00

i heard a bird tweet away last night outside my window and it brought me to tears

watching animals and water brings me to the happiest place in my mind

i have done some terrible things in my past and everyday i'm trying to forgive myself

when i see people from then, its an impossible feat to start fresh in their minds so i've learned to let it go

i get really sad when i think of some great friendships i have lost

i own 3 jeans/4 t-shirts/3 towels and 28 pairs of sneakers

i am new

2009-05-27T00:00:00.000-04:00

banksy

2009-05-19T02:22:00.004-04:00

did i happen to mention my new fascination with

BANKSY (the uk graf artist). he is so incredible that there

needs to be a new word to describe how his work makes

me feel

(click on title to see his work)

lower east side

2009-05-19T01:34:00.015-04:00

at a rooftop film festiVAL

i love saying it with an emphasis on VAL it makes me laugh.

and tomorrow is going to be a glorious day in traffic court

my personal serenade before bedtime

2009-05-15T00:02:00.008-04:00

there are some people you meet in life that ring true to your core and in turn helps reflect your own vulnerability. i hope everyone experiences it because the ego separates one from all that is genuine.

robby once told me that all musicians/artists/writers/amazing creators don't have the desire for fame or notoriety. they create for the sheer joy and the most talented people remain there, in their bedroom, silent, perhaps misunderstood, internally happy and totally content.

cherry blossoms i love you

2009-05-12T23:53:00.002-04:00

joe shanghai soup dumplings the best in the world

2009-04-20T01:04:00.003-04:00

ahhhhhh...and on sunday

2009-04-20T00:44:00.000-04:00

overdosed on indie

2009-04-20T00:29:00.006-04:00

yeah yeah yeahs
cymbals eat guitars
the walkmen

frog, i'm glad to have a brave friend like you

2009-04-17T19:50:00.003-04:00

lose yourself in this little place for awhile

cell phone

2009-04-09T22:27:00.001-04:00

the sad suitcase

2009-04-05T23:28:00.003-04:00

listen to this

2009-03-23T15:47:00.009-04:00

Twilight.12:01AM DVD Release
I love the whole series of books, take me away please or better yet, bite the shit out of me and wake me up from this delusional lapse of judgement.

"Nope" she said to the mouse in a really low whisper

2009-03-18T09:48:00.003-04:00

Hi Amy, just wanted to say that despite my being tired and very punchy, plus being dressed poorly and thus slightly under-confident, I really enjoyed your company. You bare the distinction of being the most unusual and plain speaking first date I've ever had in 27 years and I hope to see you again soon. Plus, you are cute and have a nice figure. -Andy

Yes*

2009-03-16T19:59:00.004-04:00

Yes is a powerful word. Saying Yes opens one up to the world of possibility. Yes Yes Yes. Yes, I will try that. Yes, I'm going. Yes, I'll be there. Yes, give me the number. Yes, I'll go with you. Yes, I'll see that. Yes, I'll experience that. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES I love you.
*unless on the rare occasion when saying No is appropriate (see above)

midibear misses his best friend

2009-03-05T19:48:00.003-05:00

my folks

2009-03-04T22:48:00.000-05:00

high fidelity

2009-02-13T01:23:00.001-05:00

"And fucking... when's it all going to fucking stop? I'm going to jump from rock to rock for the rest of my life until there aren't any rocks left? I'm going to run each time I get itchy feet? Because I get them about once a quarter, along with the utilities bills. I've been thinking with my guts since I was fourteen years old, and frankly speaking, between you and me, I have come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains."

I love you

2009-02-05T18:16:00.005-05:00

I used to think that in order to tell someone that you loved them it meant establishing a relationship first, a certain closeness. When other people would tell me they love me and we weren't very close I would judge it as something counterfeit and insincere. But now I love when people tell me they love me, whether we are close or not. Just the other day I met this guy Sadar and we were having a nice close conversation and then I said to him I love you and he said I love you back. That's nice.

love animals

2009-02-03T16:07:00.003-05:00

subway

2009-02-01T19:46:00.004-05:00

i love everything about the subway, absolutely everything. i want to marry the F line and have a steamy affair with the #6 while the V is watching.

neilly bears show with cymbals eat guitars

2009-01-31T13:50:00.004-05:00

Herrrrrrrrrrre's Robby

2009-01-31T13:39:00.009-05:00

Rob was great under pressure and on stage, he blew me away. (just a quick note here to let you know that as soon as i "have" to be quiet and still is when inevitably i have to run to the bathroom, my phone rings, i'm thirsty, my throat becomes itchy and i get restless leg syndrome)
Here Robby was changing in the dressing room beforehand and then on set. absolutely marvelous i told the control room when he talks its like a symphony

2009-01-29T22:40:00.001-05:00

the wrestler

2009-01-25T01:21:00.012-05:00

this month i fell in love with obama, mickey rourke, my new nephew, carini, eggplant rollatini, and my plant

before we learn to be hard and protective, we were all like this. i cried watching it. thanks patricia

this is for you boosey love

2009-01-23T16:42:00.004-05:00

i mean COME ON.... you're cold. blanket is restricting, a long sleeve sweatshirt is out of the question, you need to be able to REAd and answer the telephone and you want to be SNUGGGILY too... we played out our own SKITS for hours just because of this commercial...OH MY GOD>>>> mother of all inventions. FUCK ME NOW

i've missed you mr diamond

2009-01-16T20:39:00.011-05:00

first they say they want you...then they really have you... you got to leave, just get away, we all know the song... ain't no big surprise... pour me a drink and i'll tell you my lies

2009-01-08T12:23:00.005-05:00

hello,
it was nice to meet you.

2008-12-30T00:57:00.001-05:00

something real good

2008-12-29T23:29:00.007-05:00

daniel jay, kazu makino, chan marshall, james mcavoy, brooklyn bridge, tunde adebimpe, david byrne, peter singer, nina simone, bob dillon, jonathan conrad, frank lloyd wright, sofia coppola, frida kahlo, daniel day-lewis, roberto bernini, chuck palahniuk, mark linkous, aya uekawa, tv moore

2008-12-20T23:05:00.002-05:00

insomnia?

2008-12-09T01:48:00.001-05:00

perhaps. I cannot sleep, I lay in bed thinking and thinking and thinking, once again driving myself crazy with the never ending spiral

Facebook

2008-12-06T17:20:00.005-05:00

-besides it being a total numbing distraction with less than relevant past acquaintances requesting a friend title from you after not speaking post age eleven, good things can come from it. Yesterday for instance, I met my first boyfriend for a cup of tea at Starbucks after facebooks' re-introduction. Pretty much throughout the day I was nervous, filled with a butterfly stomach and ready for the de-mystification of this person that I once held as "so above all" men. I was fourteen and he was sixteen, slightly shy of being considered a man, but not to me. I wasn't really ready but I was, often thinking about the what-if occurrences that most, but only few admit to, run through a woman's mind regarding her first love. And then it happened...

First, I was shocked with the immediate ability to recognize Adam. Second, I was happy. Really happy at that moment for the little girl inside of me that was finally satisfying her innate urge to do this, to have this moment, to feel this emotion with this exact person. It feels good to satisfy that young girl within (I would imagine similar to the feeling of Justin Timberlake making love to Alyssa Milano after admittedly having a crush on her as a young boy and then breathing in the moment of her lying beside him as an adult). An exaggeration, maybe. But you get the point of satisfaction in making things real thus pulling it out of imagination land.

Then we grabbed a table and talked. A conversation that included a bit of everything and that in respect for us will remain private. But what I do have to say and want to express is that it exceeded my expectations. He was thoughtful and filled with life lessons. I am grateful that a man of his competence, awareness and intelligence was my first introduction to love.

little imovie fun

2008-12-03T10:24:00.001-05:00

S c h o o l

2008-12-03T00:20:00.008-05:00

This is what I've learned thus far in my life and its progression:
1st - Thought I knew everything. Thought I was everything I'd ever become by 17.
2nd -Thought I knew most things but didn't give a shit to find out anything other than what existed in front of me.
3rd - My mind started to learn things based on experience and I started to change but with resistance.
4th- Realized that most things I knew were wrong and became confused.
5th and Currently - Realize and ACCEPT that I know nothing. The world is one giant paradox and that trying to find reason and logic in everything slowly eats away at happiness, spontaneity and imagination.

That's all folks and I leave you with this because this song makes me crazy in a very good way

4am

2008-11-25T20:23:00.008-05:00

princess laya a.k.a harley a.k.a eeyore a.k.a twinkle toes taught me how to post utube videos. so its my new favorite thing for the moment (that and insomnia chocolate chip cookies www.insomniacookies.com) delivers until 230am

snoopy doggy fashizzles

2008-11-25T19:28:00.005-05:00

i love this video so much because it makes me laugh!
robby once told me that everyone should always be themselves because in ones uniqueness lies their true greatness
and the interaction between them is so beautiful and genuine, please watch it

jack who?

2008-11-20T21:02:00.009-05:00

let it all out there.suck in your gut for me.strut and talk shit.over priced suit that could of fed three rescued horses for a year.
what does high power executive mean, more importantly, who is this high power over? whose yacht did you say you had access to? play the one upper on everyone game. if you lost everything today,had nothing for your ego to identify with, who are you? that's the space i'd like to get to know for i am no one and i have and know nothing

2008-11-18T12:26:00.007-05:00

Amazing in it's entirety, please watch this.

marisa as Barack- my love

2008-11-14T16:24:00.000-05:00

come on aileen - sing along with me- just this one line please...

2008-11-10T16:22:00.006-05:00

i promise

2008-11-08T16:18:00.002-05:00

okay, so i plan to meet up with a few dear old girlfriends at el quijote restaurant on 23rd street last night. my stomach is physically having contractions with brown lasers every 17 minutes. fucking chipotle. steering completely off course and upset and a little moody i meet them. sometimes you just have to show up.
then all of a sudden and without compliance my state changes. emotionally i move into a totally different direction, one of GRATITUDE. it can happen when you wake up. stop being on auto pilot and physically and emotionally change your positioning.
i find myself happy and authentic in the conversation. feeling as i'm talking. i promise life, i love you.

THANK YOU

2008-11-07T16:30:00.005-05:00

I want to thank you personally. Really. I want to just run up to you and hug you. Squeeze you. Take your face in my hands and land a big smack on your glossy little lips.

obama

Watch & Learn

2008-10-14T00:13:00.000-04:00

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

the crying game

2008-10-12T17:53:00.002-04:00

sometimes i wish for something so badly that i visualize it with all my might and the next thing i know, its walking in front of me on 7th avenue.

midibear squashed

2008-10-04T16:15:00.003-04:00

i was bringing midibear home today in his little traveling bag and the subway doors closed on him. i was freaking out a bit trying with all my might to pry the doors open and with the help of a few lovable strangers, did it. but i was flipping out checking midibear's belly and face to make sure he was ok. keep in mind, its a soft case so he was physically being squashed like a pancake between those relentless rubber bumper doors. once i felt that he was alright i was angry. upon exiting 14th street, i screamed at the conductor "what the fuck, you closed the doors on my cat!" she then, at that moment, gave me the most sincere apology i have ever received, it quickly deflated my anger and i responded with a "i appreciate that and its OKay."

my heart felt the sincerity in her voice and i felt better and midibear is shitting up the house and eating as usual, so he's Okay.

2008-10-03T15:03:00.000-04:00

bark when i get too close to the edge
love me my best buddy as i love you

froggy

2008-09-25T19:10:00.005-04:00

lately ive been totally honest with everyone and its a challenge. i mean honest like speaking from the heart in every interaction. crying to anyone who says i look sad. or over a little froggy that i rolled over by accident with my tires in the driveway upstate. this little frog killed me in the process of me killing him. his little webbed feet were twitching and it made me physically nauseous with pain. i was so sad i was crying over him and saying im sorry i took your life. who am i to take away any living thing, i used to rationalize mosquito killing until i could do that no more. now i even cup the blood filled bastards and put 'em outside. what is happening to me.

2008-09-17T02:16:00.007-04:00

i feel this deep pit in my stomach all the time. it's a mixture of loneliness and hurt. i keep on telling myself i'll get through it i'll get through it i'll get through it i'll get through it i'll get through it i'll get through it i'll get through it see a psychologist i'll get through it i'll get through it we all have been through it i'll get through it i'll get through it i'll get through it i'll get through it i'll get through it
it hurts but i'll get through it

laugh for a good few hours, thanks Red. try it: yearbookyourself.com

2008-09-12T19:58:00.007-04:00

love

2008-09-09T21:00:00.001-04:00

i love you. i love you. i love you very much. i love you so much. i love you. i love you. i love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love YOU.

2008-09-05T15:30:00.003-04:00

yesterday after work i went here www.jlorchards.com and while i was picking the raspberries from the bushes i strolled along the little path that surrounds the farm and saw tomatoes, peppers, peaches, apples, blackberries, blueberries and pumpkins. i felt so connected to the earth while biting into a small ripe tomato picked from a thick vine only seconds before. there is something about the dirt, the earths soil, walking barefoot and feeling it between my toes that i can only describe as utter contentment. we can all have land, plant seeds and just grow anything the earth is self-sufficient and so are we, well that's actually how its supposed to be

give up already AMY for fucks sake

2008-09-01T23:11:00.010-04:00

sometimes my mind can really destroy me. it spins out of control, one negative thought feeding the other. it gets stronger with momentum, feeding on each disastrous thought before it. this is the negative spiral every book i ever read refers to. it can destroy the strongest of minds. i get caught here on the tightest of lines reeling in and out with each breath, making myself crazy and insane. my obsessive compulsive nature screams out loud HHHAHHAHAHA I'm here and I'm not letting go of you so easy. i just fall back on my bed and scream I GIVE UP. i'll let you in, I'll stop fighting you and thats the moment i get distracted with something more worthwhile and forget the line ever caught me. this is the battle that forever brings me back to you. this is the line that connects me to all things negative. boy am i an accident over and over again. i know this turn and i continue to speed through it with balding tires.

joy

2008-08-25T19:36:00.006-04:00

i hope you have moments in your life that are so filled with joy and amazement that words simply fail you. this is a picture of me on the edge with my loyal buddy during one of those moments.

LOVE IS WORTH IT

2008-08-14T01:17:00.002-04:00

super CAT

2008-07-13T00:27:00.002-04:00

MIDIBEAR has this new cat litter where the shit sits on top instead of him burying it. Or perhaps, he's just gotten lazy and the litter feels too heavy for his little paws to move around. It's attracting all types of flies, gnats, fruit flys, horse flies, in the apartment and they are all being blown on me. You see when I sit on my couch the osculating motion of the fan causes wind drifts, this drift sends them right to me or whoever the fan is facing at the moment. Seeing that I'm really a DOG person in love with this little black super man, the litter is a bit much. When I live on the beach the cat will crap in the sand. But until then, my little poem goes like this...

flies flies flies
gnats, fruit, horse and big blacks
eat me up eat me up
and blow my way
midibear, do your job
and bury it

2008-07-03T16:33:00.004-04:00

my dad and i don't necessarily have a good relationship. we rarely see eye to eye. he argues with me about my life choices or lack there of and i can't seem to understand his lack of creativity for how he lives his. we fight when we work together, he has no patience to slow down and give me the time i need to learn and in turn i get frustrated, walk out of the office a few million times and quit a dozen more. but the nice thing about love is this; it doesn't matter what goes down. ever. ever. the next conversation will be a loving one. i will be reminded when i hear him in the next room, after a big blow out, speaking to someone about how wonderful his daughter is. thats the beauty in life, the tear behind the closed door, the movement that forever connects us.

2008-07-03T16:13:00.004-04:00

i remember when we were kissing downstairs in my house on the ping pong table and one of the legs gave way. your skin got caught in between the table folds as the table crumbled under us and you were screaming for dear life. my mother ran downstairs and screamed "what the fuck were you kids doing on the ping pong table." we both looked at each other and started laughing hysterically as blood slowly dripped down your left leg. i remember looking into each others eyes and laughing and it didn't matter that i would get my ass beaten once you left. it was about you and i at that moment.

love

2008-06-20T11:27:00.002-04:00

my beautiful friend harley told me i only write when i am happy so i sound all nice all of the time. i am terrible to people sometimes then i have to sit with it, hate myself for doing it, think of what rooted insecurity prompted the behavior, my real intention behind it, feel sorry for hurting them and then ask for forgiveness to start all over again. i talk out loud before i go to bed most nights and one of the many things i say is i'm sorry even though its only me in the room

oh where, oh where, is marisa now?

2008-06-18T21:19:00.012-04:00

My fat legs

2008-05-24T19:59:00.003-04:00

Ok... a great place to start.
Some days I just feel like crazy amounts of love towards everyone. I know it sounds silly and infantile but it's true. I walk around sipping my jamba juice and really just feel strait up Love. Starting out everyday with a nice little yoga class is getting some of the credit. Legs in weird contortions straightens out the mind. My legs are sloppy, my arms are as inflexible as a robots, my back gives out and my wrists are weak but the instructor stands over me and smiles the whole time. Thank you and I love you

Goals

2008-05-21T18:17:00.004-04:00

Live in a Japanese style house right on the beach
Three dogs
Live creatively and inspired
Laugh all the time
Work helps animals

Love

2008-04-29T12:41:00.006-04:00

I am trying to maintain some type of schedule seeing that I feel like I have no life at the moment. I haven't felt that really alive feeling for an extended period of time in quite a while. I used to feel it more often or if I do now, it's only in short bursts. I miss it. Some moments remind me of how much I enjoy it, like on Monday night for instance, Jeffrey did some pirouettes when exiting my front door and I sensed myself emerging in the laughter. My inside dialogue said something like "ah, there she is. you've been sleeping dear friend, now its time to be alive again." I'm actually allowing myself to feel this sadness while detaching from the depression that is a constant fixture over my head these days. And New York.... a thorn in my side, sleep deprivation's best friend. I look forward to moving as soon as I tackle this issue then I'm on the next train/plane/car out of this city. Post 8th grade, I really hate to quote Bob Marley, however his words ring true that "you keep on running and running and running away, but you can't run away from yourself." So my plan is to pack lightly when I leave, emotionally and physically. Get my act together in folks language and move on.

2008-04-22T20:25:00.005-04:00

wild horses should remain wild

2008-04-22T19:33:00.005-04:00

Oh shit, something is dripping down my leg

Eat Everything

2008-03-31T13:36:00.008-04:00

As I scavenge the web for my next miraculous and exciting job i realize that very little is under my control in terms of my curb appeal (resume/cover letter/chemistry in interviewing, etc.) SO, I've decided instead of eating on my couch with a bag of cheese doodles under one arm and depression under the other that I DO HAVE control over some things, like my body for instance. I've been on a mission to start feeling really good about my body NUDE. So with tons of work and a ravenous appetite that never seems to be satisfied I hit the gym everyday and put the work in. I take pics of my body approx. every 2 weeks so I can see the progress to keep the incentive going. This is pic of month #2 (3/31/08). It's amazing how muscles are coming out of no where and I can feel my own physical strength for the first time. I feel stronger, healthier, sexier and in control of this.

pulse art fair - new york

2008-03-30T18:45:00.012-04:00

sometimes but very rarely do i come across an artist that takes my breath away. for different reasons being that art is so subjective and personal. something has to touch you; with the style, image, texture and most importantly the feeling you have when you look at it. todays show on pier 40 did just that..here are 3 pieces
artist julie heffernan - sold for 80K isnt that absurd

next two- artist jochen plogsties

crazy town

2008-03-27T20:27:00.006-04:00

rob and i were watching an episode of family guy together and stewie said something and something happened where they went into an old dallas episode and i was confused and said robbYYY what is happening and he turned one cheek towards me and yelled i dont know but I LIKE IT i DONT know but i like it. i dont know but i like it. i like it. i am doing an art installation piece and its going to be called i dont know but i like it. flashbulbs and alarms going off in one end and harley screaming all beards out at the other. thats it folks.welcome to crazy town and princess laya is hosting

2008-03-27T20:20:00.002-04:00

2008-03-23T01:11:00.001-04:00

It includes everything and all the love from you and me.

love

2008-03-19T16:25:00.004-04:00

i love you more and more and more and more and more and again and again and a little less just a bit less now and back to a little more, in my blood is all the love that circulates to every organ over and over and over again.

surprise

2008-03-15T22:36:00.007-04:00

i'm surprisingly unaffected when i'm asked the question what do i do. i went to a brunch party today and was asked the question several times. the more i was asked the more comfortable i was. but truth be told, i'm always comfortable. i think it leads me to some liberated place in my mind. like when one is struggling in a relationship and you suddenly find yourself smiling when asked if your involved with anyone...no i do nothing, i am with no one and i'm really really happy to be in this place. i could of been married 2x with 2 careers and/or the professional route = nothing. they all weren't me. virginia wolf wraps it up best with a quote inside a quote via liz gilbert "across the broad continent of a woman's life fall the shadow of a sword." on one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where "all is correct." but on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, "all is confusion. nothing follows a regular course." her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will also be more perilous." freedom in the freedom. finding something artistic in a flush of a toilet. speaking truth in every word. i like me and i certainly love you. also, a little gnat is dying in front of me now. his wings are moving his body counter clockwise along the wood grain on the desk, struggling to gain flight and it's making me tear up. go little guy, go, quickly and painlessly.